Where’s Wifey?

I’m tired of hearing the Black male complain about the problems with his Black woman. The problem is that we have been prodigal with our resources. He has extended his sexual adolescence into his mid-thirties by refusing to commit. He has boosted his fragile ego by the quantity of his sexual conquests. What is between his legs has become the measure of his manhood.  Finally, when the lame Black male is ready to start a family, he is audacious enough to complain that his own women have too many problems.  Somehow, now, he is the one who is growing impatient?   The emotional baggage he’s not man enough to deal with, is in many cases given to them by us!  We cannot continue to collectively, “dog-out” our women and then turn around and complain that there is shortage of “wifey” material.

We have to change our collective mindset.

“Where’s Wifey?”, you may ask. …Well, Wifey got a “three-piece” and absent father(s) to her children. You missed your opportunity to make her your Queen!  We are squandering our most precious resource. She’s surviving without you. She doesn’t trust you. She believes she doesn’t need you.

You can be a man and work hard regain that trust or you can walk away. Which will it be?…When discussing this issue with Black males, I here often hear the same excuses.  I hear statements like

” I can see if the majority of women were good, wifey material, but that’s not the case. I know good brothas that just don’t want to settle down with some club hoppin’ tramp, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

I contend that it is the collective behavior of us men that creates a disproportionate amount of, as you put it, “club hoppin’ tramps”. (And let’s be real, you ain’t looking for wifey in the club anyway.) The point I’m trying to make is that the if “so-called good brother looking to settle down” examined his past and present behavior (post adolescence) he may find that he (and/or his peers) have contributed to the emotional wreckage of the potential “wifey” pool. -Cause and Effect.

Furthermore, I want to make clear that the spirit of this essay is not to point to the shortage of “good” Black women. (because I do not believe that is the case.) I’m placing the defense, honor, and protection of our women in the collective hands of the Black man.

Consider that this weekend’s one-night stand, could be someone’s future wife.

We should be actively seeking our complement and not our next conquest.

The Black family is in crisis.  The tragic consequence of this mentality is that we are no longer building strong family units. The strength of a people can be measured by the strength of its families. When we speak of our nation, we must understand that the family is a microcosm of the macrocosm.

“Destroy families and you destroy the nation; build strong families and you build a strong nation.” – Ashanti proverb

The goal of “… having all the sex you want… with as many different women you want….” is expected behavior from adolescent MALES. It is selfish and myopic!  GROW-UP!

Not willing to be(or not being able to be) responsible for anyone except yourself is not what our community needs of its MEN.

We speak of manhood, but I think we have an ill-formed definition. A MAN does not have be offered incentives to recognize and accept his responsibilities.

Are we so emasculated that it is a commonly held belief that we are not NEEDED? Just because Black women have/are relying on themselves does not excuse Black men from their responsibilities as her complement. (Utengano) The Black woman has been in survival-mode for centuries and has been the backbone of the family unit because the Black man has been under constant physical and sociopolitical attack. She is looking for the return of the functional Black man to his role within the family unit. How many more generations can we afford to go without him?  It is a shame that Black women are being raised to believe that they must be her own self-contained support system.  It is a shame that so-called Black men see this strength and interpret it as a pardon for his responsibilities. (“My Mama raised me by herself…” is a common rationalization.)

My plea:  Be a MAN and recognize and accept your responsibility to your nation, to your woman, to your children(born or unborn).  It is not acceptable for so-called men to continue to amass sexual conquests long past adolescence; to be busy pacifying the ego while at the same time, eroding the trust of their complement.

Of course, women bear some of the responsibility; however this is addressed to YOU, Black male.

Yes, of course, “It takes two to Tango”. However, (building off of that Euro-centric cliché) as conscious Black people, we need to start dancing a DIFFERENT DANCE altogether.

The cycle must be broken and reversed.  -And it begins with the Black MAN.

-Lazarus

See:   Part 2

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